It's a long road, but I'm taking it one step at a time...

My Mini-Goal

8/08/10 to 8/31/10-to lose 6 lbs this month

Thursday, February 4, 2010

It's actually hard for me not to believe...

People say magic-- or "magick" as is the in-vogue way of spelling it (I can't stand that, personally)-- they say it isn't real because there is no evidence.

I find myself having a hard time not believing in it.

I think the problem is that, when they find evidence-- when they figure it out-- the skeptics claim it wasn't magic after all... there was a scientific explanation.

Here is their first problem-- they seem to think that magic cannot have a scientific explanation.

Of course it does... and should.

I'm not talking about movie magic, or tv magic, or folklore magic or fiction; I'm talking about real magic through the ages.

Healing with herbs. They didn't know the herbs had biochemicals in them, or how our bodies could be affected by them. They just realized that if they made a poultice of spagnum moss and put it on a nasty cut, the cut healed better and had less chance of getting infected.

They didn't know about neuro-linguistic programming, or self-fulfilled prophecies, or the effects that color, sounds and scents can have on our psyche, or how things like semi-meditative states left the human mind very suggestive. They just knew that if they drummed and burned a certain incense and painted the hunter with red clay by the fire light as they chanted words of power, the hunter would perform better. He was pumped up for the job, psyched up like an Olympic athelete gets psyched up before a game.

The problem is that people think figuring out how magic works means somehow that it didn't exist. No, figuring out how magic works proves that it did exist.

I think there are still things to figure out. Still energies and phenomena of physics and all that stuff I don't have a real great grasp on and workings of the human brain... I think there still are mysteries about these things left that we will someday find out more about.

I remember when I went to a ritual... oh, had to be about 15 years ago. I wasn't entirely new to Wicca or Witchcraft, but fairly. It was a sabbat, and there were a couple hundred people-- at least-- present. Well, I'd been sick with a cold/bronchitis and wasn't quite over it, and taking cough syrup and all that. In the ritual, we started to cast a group spell, which was very powerful as everyone was very passionate about it. And we were supposed to visualize raising our own energy, and began to do so.

And I began to feel a little tired, fuzzy-headed, you know? And as people before me began dancing around to raise energy, I got tingly. I had to step back and lean against a wall. Then we were supposed to raise our energy to join together. And when people did that, I felt like electricity was charging through my body or something. I felt myself slide down the wall, still leaning against it. My vision just faded out and all the sounds faded. I don't know how long it was, probably not more than a minute or two, but I heard a voice calling me as if I were picking up really bad reception on a staticy radio. I opened my eyes and my vision came back and a friend was kneeling down calling me, trying to revive me. I felt so weak and trembly and fuzzy.

I'd never fainted before in my life. Was it coincidence that I fainted, beginning to feel tingly when the energy was being raised individually, and getting completely faint when it was all joined together? Maybe. But my life is peppered with those kinds of instances, so it's hard for me to believe that there is not something more to them.

And when it comes down to it, I'm a fairly level-headed person. I'm not gullible about things, I don't tend to believe easily, I usually have a healthy dose of scepticism. I'm not gullible. But for some reason, as I've said, when it comes to magic, granted not everything people hear about it is true... but it's hard for me not to believe there is something more out there to learn about it.

As I've said, I'm not one to argue or try to prove magic. If someone doesn't believe, I don't really care. That's their peroggative. Maybe they're right. But... well, maybe they're not. All I can say to the sceptics are, I have reasonable doubt and just can't write it all off.

And to those who think magic is all evil devil-worship hocus-pocus instant-gratification all-powerful-like?... well, I can't agree with them either. They are like the sceptics, the opposite side of the coin. They are misinterpreting and they are misunderstanding and they are misrepresenting.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

One Month Down

Well, my internet is acting funny, so I have to go to the library to do any work, which is making my days kinda crazy busy, however at least those hours sitting in the library I do not think about eating or smoking. For the most part, the smoking cravings have subsided, except for those stressful moments in the middle of the night when I'm working late, but since I haven't been doing that as much lately, it's not an issue. I do sometimes get cravings to nosh; but I try to get involved in something artistic, because when I get swept up in an artistic frenzy I forget about everything but what I'm doing.

So a good by-product of this whole get healthy thing is that I have been forcing time to unleash some creativity into my day. Time well spent, as I see it. I spend too much time neglecting my artistic drive, my husband says It's like therapy for me because I'm more relaxed when I allow myself creative indulgences.

The big issue that is stressing me out these days is money & him getting laid off. I won't get into that again, but I'm sure you all know in this economy how hard that's going to be-- especially for people with no assets to turn to. We pretty much live by the paycheck, we rent an apt rather than own a home, make car payments, etc... so it's going to be tough scrounging but thank Goddess for my freelance work because that, with his severance/unemployment benefits, should keep us afloat until he gets another job... I hope.

So I have been doing meditations, affirmations, I did cast a spell.... tonight is Imbolc, a Wiccan Sabbat which I celebrate. I plan to do crafts & stories with the kids for homeschooling, make some dinner and have sunset prayers, then after the kids go to bed I'll do a more structured ritual-- a quiet, solitary one-- and I don't usually do spells on the major sabbats but today I will be borrowing the energy of the sabbat and charging soap. That's right, soap. I'm charging my own special, home-made soap to help me wash off the excess weight.

I still want to make a Witch's bottle for my room at night and a mojo bag. These are my plans for the next time the moon phases are right.

So things are progressing-- and I am down 20 pounds for the month. While that may sound impressive you have to remember that the bigger you are, the more initial water weight you lose before you start really burning off the fat. Every month my loss tally will go down.

I've been thinking that probably one of the biggest problems I've had with weight loss in the past is impatience. Rushing to lose weight, and at first it's very satisfying when all that initial bloat comes off because you step on the scale and it's going down every day. But then the loss decreases and impatience and frustration set in. Why do I let them get to me? I didn't put these pounds on in a few months, and they're not going to come off in a few months. If I keep at it, even if I am only losing a pound or two a month, that's still better than gaining. If I had kept at it several years ago without giving into discouragement when it wasn't going fast enough, where would I be now? I'll tell you where I'd be-- healthy! That's where I'd be, at a healthy weight.

I don't think this should be treated as a temporary thing, as a race to lose with an end in sight. No, it is a life-long, permanent change. Why suffer a few months depriving myself of everything, only to lead to an eventual break down that leads to giving up? No, I should just relax and allow myself to eat normally, just healthier, and less, and incorporate some more activity into my day, and forget how fast or slow the weight loss is going... as long as it's going... as long as the scale keeps going down and not up, who really cares how long it takes? It's not like it's going to be over when I reach my goal, right? I mean, unless I'm going to gain it all back, I have to stick to the new healthier habits, right? I still have to learn how to control myself, right? I still have to learn how to fight the urges, right?

I think that is probably the downfall of all the American dieters... this is why the dieting industry is a billion dollar business. This is why even after weight loss surgery people gain weight back... because of the desire for instant gratification. People want to be thin-- now!-- and if that's not coming fast enough, they want some other form of gratification-- now!-- which, for an obese person, is typically food. How many people will come on message boards talking about how they decided they wanted to lose weight, how can they do it fast... people want it fast or they don't want it at all. That's part of the problem. Get rid of the fast.

So perhaps in the near future, a spell for patience will be in order. But I'm not worrying about speed or time limits this time.

But as for now, I owe you my monthly photo. And here it is, taken Saturday-- ignore that is a giant racoon standing next to me. You know how I love me my Disney passes... I really hope he gets a job by the summer so we can renew them. I need that Disney mojo.

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