One Month Down

Well, my internet is acting funny, so I have to go to the library to do any work, which is making my days kinda crazy busy, however at least those hours sitting in the library I do not think about eating or smoking. For the most part, the smoking cravings have subsided, except for those stressful moments in the middle of the night when I'm working late, but since I haven't been doing that as much lately, it's not an issue. I do sometimes get cravings to nosh; but I try to get involved in something artistic, because when I get swept up in an artistic frenzy I forget about everything but what I'm doing.

So a good by-product of this whole get healthy thing is that I have been forcing time to unleash some creativity into my day. Time well spent, as I see it. I spend too much time neglecting my artistic drive, my husband says It's like therapy for me because I'm more relaxed when I allow myself creative indulgences.

The big issue that is stressing me out these days is money & him getting laid off. I won't get into that again, but I'm sure you all know in this economy how hard that's going to be-- especially for people with no assets to turn to. We pretty much live by the paycheck, we rent an apt rather than own a home, make car payments, etc... so it's going to be tough scrounging but thank Goddess for my freelance work because that, with his severance/unemployment benefits, should keep us afloat until he gets another job... I hope.

So I have been doing meditations, affirmations, I did cast a spell.... tonight is Imbolc, a Wiccan Sabbat which I celebrate. I plan to do crafts & stories with the kids for homeschooling, make some dinner and have sunset prayers, then after the kids go to bed I'll do a more structured ritual-- a quiet, solitary one-- and I don't usually do spells on the major sabbats but today I will be borrowing the energy of the sabbat and charging soap. That's right, soap. I'm charging my own special, home-made soap to help me wash off the excess weight.

I still want to make a Witch's bottle for my room at night and a mojo bag. These are my plans for the next time the moon phases are right.

So things are progressing-- and I am down 20 pounds for the month. While that may sound impressive you have to remember that the bigger you are, the more initial water weight you lose before you start really burning off the fat. Every month my loss tally will go down.

I've been thinking that probably one of the biggest problems I've had with weight loss in the past is impatience. Rushing to lose weight, and at first it's very satisfying when all that initial bloat comes off because you step on the scale and it's going down every day. But then the loss decreases and impatience and frustration set in. Why do I let them get to me? I didn't put these pounds on in a few months, and they're not going to come off in a few months. If I keep at it, even if I am only losing a pound or two a month, that's still better than gaining. If I had kept at it several years ago without giving into discouragement when it wasn't going fast enough, where would I be now? I'll tell you where I'd be-- healthy! That's where I'd be, at a healthy weight.

I don't think this should be treated as a temporary thing, as a race to lose with an end in sight. No, it is a life-long, permanent change. Why suffer a few months depriving myself of everything, only to lead to an eventual break down that leads to giving up? No, I should just relax and allow myself to eat normally, just healthier, and less, and incorporate some more activity into my day, and forget how fast or slow the weight loss is going... as long as it's going... as long as the scale keeps going down and not up, who really cares how long it takes? It's not like it's going to be over when I reach my goal, right? I mean, unless I'm going to gain it all back, I have to stick to the new healthier habits, right? I still have to learn how to control myself, right? I still have to learn how to fight the urges, right?

I think that is probably the downfall of all the American dieters... this is why the dieting industry is a billion dollar business. This is why even after weight loss surgery people gain weight back... because of the desire for instant gratification. People want to be thin-- now!-- and if that's not coming fast enough, they want some other form of gratification-- now!-- which, for an obese person, is typically food. How many people will come on message boards talking about how they decided they wanted to lose weight, how can they do it fast... people want it fast or they don't want it at all. That's part of the problem. Get rid of the fast.

So perhaps in the near future, a spell for patience will be in order. But I'm not worrying about speed or time limits this time.

But as for now, I owe you my monthly photo. And here it is, taken Saturday-- ignore that is a giant racoon standing next to me. You know how I love me my Disney passes... I really hope he gets a job by the summer so we can renew them. I need that Disney mojo.