It's a long road, but I'm taking it one step at a time...

My Mini-Goal

8/08/10 to 8/31/10-to lose 6 lbs this month

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Ups, Downs, Downs, Ups... the cycles of our lives continue

Hello all... boy do I have a lot of catching up to do with a whole lot of stuff.

First off... let's get to the weight loss. Cranking along. Got down to 330, but then I got my period & I'm bloated, so I went up to 333. I am going to give it a couple of days.

As for my last post-- Lughnasadh was beautiful, thank you very much. But since then it's just been cramps and back pain and stress.

My daughter couldn't come and everything with her is a big fiasco...

Let me try to give you the reader's digest version:

My daughter is very bright... she started college courses at 15 through dual enrollment as a high school  student, she also won 100% scholarship.  But she's a moody teen and home life isn't perfect of course... she has to do stuff; there are rules. We live in tight quarters, etc. Nothing really major major but you know it is when you are a teenager, the grass always looks greener outside your parent's home.

So her friend, a couple years older, blind & depressed & on meds & on disability, who is miserable living with her mother gets an apartment. She lives about 60 miles away from here. Now the big issue I have with this kid is not that she needs help, but that she seems to embrace the drama/misery. I've known blind people and chemically imbalanced people who manage to get help and move on, and then there are just those people that like to wallow in it and blame the world for their problems because they seem to think it's harder and more unfair for them than anyone else.

So my daughter turns 19 and her friend gives her this opportunity to move in (it's easy for her; her income is garaunteed) and my daughter jumps on it. Meanwhile, the economy is a wreck and my daughter has never had a "real" job, only odd jobs like babysitting & typing things (I know that is real work but she didn't work for a company so according to her record she had no previous employers). So of course, at her age, this seemed like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get out and be independent.

So she moves... and she puts off school for a while... and she can't get a job... and she runs out of her life savings I had stashed away for her and it might not seem a lot for most people but a couple thousand dollars. But she's still got her scholarship going for her and he we are willing to help with books & buses and food if she just keeps trying.

Her friend-- and there is no really nice way to put it-- is a needy basket case. And my daughter is the nurturing type who wants to take care of everyone and holds everything in and can't say no-- and to top it off, her friend is paying all the rent & bills and  my daughter probably feels obligated.

So my daughter, still jobless, finally goes back in the late spring term, and her friend is so needy and miserable and inflicts her misery on everyone and is just depressing, she is stressing my daughter out. My daughter fails math. Her GPA is still good, but, Oops! She hasn't been doing enough credits now without the math class... so she loses her scholarship. She loses her free ride which just smashes my heart to bits because I just can't pay for it and I was so happy she was going to graduate without the student loans that held me and my husband back financially for years.

So this friend's grandmother dies, my daughter stays home to help the friend through it. The friend attempts suicide with pills. She survived... and it looks like she's going to be okay (well, that she'll survive this attempt, but until this kid changes her attitude and changes her ways she is never going to be okay).

Now she is in the hospital, probably will be held for months, and afterwards will most likely go live with relatives.

So my daughter is jobless, schoolless, scholarshipless, moneyless, and now friendless and room-mateless.

So she came to her senses enough to come home, and she is going to live with my mother a few blocks down who has a spare room because we got a 2 bedroom for us & the boys to save money and she doesn't want to squeeze in with us. She is going to try and catch her breath and figure things out and get a job and see what she is going to do about finishing school now (and funding it).

And I know I sound harsh and all I-told-you-so,  but I am just venting here because I am trying to be more sympathetic and compassionate towards her because I don't want to put a trip on her that makes her want to run off again... and I am sure she has realized her mistakes and that everything I said was going to blow up in her face has so I don't need to remind her of that and rub salt in the fresh wounds, but it is so frustrating to have watched this kid, who could have graduated before she turned 20 if she had just kept focusing on her studies, watch her make one rash mistake after another that cost her just about everything she had going for her.

So I am frazzled. And because of the stress/period, my back is in really bad shape near my spine injury so I haven't even been to the gym which I am sure would be a great tension release but I am just trying to work and make money because I do not want us to get to a point at which we are struggling every month to make ends meet and my son's birthday is coming up and dammit he deserves something nice because he is so responsible and good and such a great big brother and he really wants a Wii.

I need to meditate. I am re-establishing a more regimented day monday morning, today I am visiting my mother and am sleeping over with her and tomorrow night is our anniversary and all I want to do is get the kids out of the house and put my feet up and cuddle up and watch tv.

So I will not write tomorrow because of the anniversary but I will be back Monday afternoon with the new regiment which includes blogging time and includes exercise time.

I probably sound incoherent so I am going to sign off now.

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I would enjoy hearing your encouragement, reasonable criticism, questions, insights, advice and experiences. Comments will be moderated, however. I realize there may be people out there who only want to insult me for my weight or attack my beliefs in Witchcraft. There are plenty of forums for doing that. This is not one of them.

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