Rites of Passage

Happy July!

Look at my photos compared-- I deliberately wore the same shirt in this photo today that I wore in the photo I used from last December as my "before" or "starting weight" photo.

The difference is getting noticable after 6 months, and I can't help but wonder what it will look like after 12 months.

Makes me wonder why I ever gave up in the past when weight loss wasn't happening quickly enough for me-- I mean, isn't slowly better than not at all? No, at this age and with my metabolism that I probably screwed up with yo-yo dieting, it is pretty slow going for me... but had I given up because of that, I'd still look like the picture on the left, wouldn't I?

So, guess what I did last night?

I held a little party with myself. Just me, on my porch, with my cup of tea. It was my 6 month anniversary of my "clean living" New Year's resolution.

I lit a candle to Goddess and God and made an offering in thanks for the strength, comfort and guidance They have continuously provided for me to draw on through this time. I gave myself a pat on the back for not packing it in when things got hard and for making it this far and getting over any roadblocks and picking myself up and moving on again. I sat down and pondered my accomplishments, great and small, one by one.

I believe formal rites of passage are an important part of my religion and my practice of the Craft. It helps ease transitions. To me, a small rite of passage like this is a bit like closure for the things that led me here, and opens the doors to the next step. It's stopping to acknowledge the accomplishment, put any mistakes in the past and move forward. A rest point to look back at how far I've come and look forward to where I am going. It may not be a major checkpoint on the road, but a 6 month anniversary is certainly a minor one for me and acknowledging it gave me a sense of peace and a renewed optimism for the next half of the year.


And speaking of rites of passage-- my baby has a big one coming this weekend. My daughter, my first born, turns 20 this weekend, and I celebrate 20 years of being a mother, and the USA celebrates the anniversary of it's day of independence.

We are throwing a party to celebrate the events. My daughter is coming over, nanny, and a few of our closer friends and their kids. My husband is going to barbecue, splash about in the pool, finish the day off with a birthday cake and a few fire works. I have to admit, I am excited, partly because I haven't been out much this year... so many changes going on, I've kind of withdrawn a lot socially. And my daughter has been so busy job hunting and with school she has barely come to visit all Spring. And my mother rarely comes over my house. So I am really looking forward to it!

I am serving a combination of party food, some for the "health concerns" and some for those who basically don't worry about it: tortillas & salsa, some other kind of veggie tray appetizer I haven't decided on yet, ribs, pulled chicken (my own recipe-- delicious yet way less fat than pulled pork) and sausage with peppers & onions. My husband's famous potato salad, a low-fat cole slaw I found a new love for in my Cook Yourself Think book and some grilled veggies, a cucumber, tomato & basil salad with a splash of olive oil & herbs, a birthday cake, ice cream & watermelon.

My husband and I are a little nervous about being around all that food, but we've agreed to be careful, yet we've agreed not to be overly-militant and deprive ourselves of half the food. If this is going to be a lifestyle, we've got to learn how to get through holidays and parties.

Anyone doing anything fun for the holiday weekend?

If you're concerned about your weight, how do you plan to help keep from over-indulging?

Tips would be great.

Happy holiday everyone!

Introduction

Salutations. Please, call me bloojay.

Well, I'm 40 years old and somewhere along the line I realized I have begun to resemble Jabba the Hut. That won't do at all, will it?

You may be wondering how I let myself get to the point of weighing an unimaginable 375 pounds. I've been wondering that myself really, and the answer is, I don't exactly know. It's not like there was any single tragedy in my life, or any single time I decided to throw caution into the wind and begin chowing down like there was no tomorrow. It happened little by little. I suppose it is a combination of many reasons: bad habits, lack of discipline, genetics, addiction to food, upbringing, psychological issues, physical ailments... I could probably go on, but the sum total of all the parts is 375.

I've been thinking for a long time now that something has to be done about this. It's scary, though. I gave up "dieting" and "fitness" years ago because it seemed that every time I tried I would fall off the wagon and end up 20 or 30 pounds heavier than I was when I started.

But every night I lay down, waiting, wondering when the heart attack will come, wondering if I'll get to see my children finish growing up, wondering if my dear husband will be left alone to fend for himself, wondering what would become of my family if they lost me. It's hard to think about that.

It's also frustrating, because I know how hard it's going to be, that the odds are against me. I can't afford any more failures.

I'm not one for New Years resolutions, but I feel the time has come, and the first day of a new decade is creeping up, so it feels as good a time to begin as any.

You may also be wondering why I am bringing Witchcraft into this. Well, I believe in Witchcraft. I started practicing Witchcraft about 19 years ago when I converted to the religion of Wicca. Witchcraft and my faith have helped me tackle many challenges and helped me achieve many goals, both small and great.

I realized how much my weight is affecting all aspects of my life when I realized that I haven't even been practicing the 'Craft very much at all in recent years. I simply haven't had the energy to pursue more than I absolutely had to. After caring for my family, home & work, there was little energy left to do much else.

And I had to wonder, why?

Why have I let this problem take up so much of my life that I've given up so many things I used to enjoy?

And why am I not using one of the most powerful weapons in my arsenal to tackle this problem head on once and for all?

I need to get healthy. I can do this. I must do this.

If Witchcraft has taught me one thing over the years, it's that I have the power to control my life. As the Charge of the Goddess (by Doreen Valiente) says, if that which you seek, you find not within yourself, you will never find it without. So I'm not looking to fad diet plans, surgeries, or any external means to solve my biggest problem. I'm going within myself, and using my own personal power-- the power of my mind, the power of my spirit, the power of my faith-- to find the strength and means to achieve my goal and save my life.

This may be my last chance.