Blessed Beltane

Do not fear mistakes. You will know failure. Continue to reach out... Benjamin Franklin

Ben is right; what matters is not making mistakes or having a failure-- what matters is you pick yourself up and continue. Nothing I have ever done that I am proud of came easy. People who know success don't find it with complete ease and total perfection... they find it because when they got knocked down, they got up, brush themselves off and keep going. They don't sit there and cry about how hard it is, that doesn't help. They don't sit there and whine about how much better other's have it, that doesn't do any good either. You have to focus on you, on getting up, and going on, trying again, and keep going no matter how tough the road gets.

That's why I love Ben.

Tonight at sunset starts a Wiccan holiday. My husband is off and took the kids to the pool while I clean and finish up a little work and get some quiet in here for a while. We made some decorations this week, also made some incense and Beltane prosperity and energy spell candles that we will charge tonight in our family ritual.

At sunset, we light the sun candle at the altar. We have prayers, songs, chants, stories, sometimes seasonal enactments, make offerings and feast. It is a quiet sabbat, just the 4 of us today (the elusive college-age daughter seems to be too caught up in her life these days to visit us on holidays).

We're having spiced orange pork chops (lean, center-cut), glazed carrots, corn; some fruit and baked pastries for dessert. I am going to try and find balance between completely depriving myself and going overboard.

I guess these times-- holidays and such-- will be the test. Can I handle it? It's hard.

The kids don't have weight problems and I've worked hard to try and keep it that way by reserving my binging to the dead of night or when I'm in the kitchen, alone, cooking. We eat fresh, lean, baked or broiled meats seasoned with fresh herbs or we eat eggs or legumes or casseeroles. I make sure they eat a wide variety of fresh and frozen veggies which are on their plates every day; I keep white flour carbs to a minimum (about 1 or 2 servings per day) in favor of whole grains and high fiber carbs. They eat limited sweets and treats; candy only comes in at about 4 holidays a year and maybe a bag of chips or box of cookies comes in once a month. I allow them soda in limited quantities when we go out, mostly they drink water or milk or crystal lite, and once in a while diet soda or fruit drinks. I buy fairly decently nutritious cereal with minimal sugars, I don't go overboard offer them fruits and popcorn, keep the fast foods and buttery and fried stuff to an absolute minimum (once a week maybe). They run around, swim and play.

They're in good shape. I want them to stay in good shape; but I don't want them to be deprived of fun things like holiday baking and treats. But the holiday baking and treats are my drug. I get afraid that I will pass on the addiction, or that in providing it for them I will trigger my own weaknesses.

Sometimes I tell myself it is better to just do without; like an alcoholic not only giving up hard booze but staying away from bars and even friends houses where there might be beers passed around on Superbowl Sunday. Just stay away, and the kids will never miss what they never had.

Other times, I wonder if balance is the key-- can balance be found, or have I gone so far out of balance already that the only way to remedy it is to go to the other extreme.

Is balance possible with me?

Will it be possible with our kids, considering both my husband and myself are obese?

Or have I missed that boat?

And what about Naiomi?

Sorry... getting carried away there (a low-fat cookie to anyone who can guess what that's from!). But these are the questions I struggle with. After all I am going through, will I ever be able to find balance, or will trying send me over the edge? Am I better just staying away from the fence and should I take my family with me?

Boy I wish there were people reading this, I would so love opinions and advice.

In the mean time, if there are any Pagans out there who are celebrating, Beltane Blessings to you and yours.