It's just me and the bean; one of us is not coming out of this alive...

So I am on day two without the almighty bean. Yesterday, the bean kicked my ass. Today I pray I will triumph.

I got up yesterday and had a cup of tea. Then I proceeded to go about my day and ran out of steam. But I refused to yield... I will drink coffee again, on occasion, however I am determined not to be dependent upon it.

My wonderful husband saw me feeling miserable in the middle of the afternoon, and he dragged me into the bedroom, lit some incense and gave me a cleansing, then offered to transfer some of his energy to me and that made me feel better, except for the still muffled headache. So he then gave me a massage and rubbed my head until I felt better.

I don’t know where he learned to do these things... maybe he picked it up from his childhood with his Santero upbringing, or maybe it’s just instinct, but he is very good at it.

And I won’t get into the details of the things we did next, but let’s just say that was also a nice and uplifting activity for the day. And he’s very good at these things, too.

I felt much better. One child was sleeping over grandma’s, the other a friends, so we cuddled up on the couch and watched old Chevy Chase / Goldie Hawn movies: Foul Play and Seems Like Old Times.

So, as today is Father’s Day, he was given the best present he can possibly ever get– money to shop. The man looooooves shopping– I mean, he would rather shop for one thing on his own than receive 10 things in boxes. He loves to shop for little things he loves, like video games and DVDs and what-not. We are strictly budgeted on many things though so he can’t just go out and buy them every week, so it is a treat when he gets free reign– he turns into the kid in the proverbial candy store. It puts him in such a good mood, too. I mean, he’s usually easy-going, but shopping makes him downright perky.

So he and his sons went “man shopping,” while I prepared this lovely brunch from two new cookbooks I picked up (used in perfect condition, discounted, score!). They are “Cook Yourself Thin” and "Cook Yourself Thin Faster." I know it is a TV show, I saw it at my mothers house a couple of times on cable... I would not mind owning that show on DVD. I love cooking shows, and those girls on that show are just so clever and sweet, I enjoy watching them and the wonderful meals they make are inspiring. I am making “Stuffed French Toast Sundaes,” “Raspberry, Banana and Orange Smoothies,” and turkey bacon.

My son, the 11 year old who wants to be a chef since he was out of diapers, and who is determined to one day bring Bobby Flay down in a “Throwdown” (watch out Bobby! He's coming for you!) got ambitious in the kitchen and made some chocolate low-fat fro-yo for us, and then wanted to play with the new blender and whipped up a batch of humus like I have never tasted. He made a base batch of plain humus and put in pickled ginger, honey, nutmeg (and cumin I think?)– well, whatever he did to it, it is fabulous– the salty, sweet, tangy– ohh! The boy has got skills. I mean, I usually throw in different roasted veggies in it and puree it when I get creative but he did things I never thought of with humus. We smeared it on whole wheat toast for lunch.

So he was paging through the CYT cookbooks and loved so many recipes we agreed to try and cook our way through them to test them all out. A lot of them are nice, simple things, too, not overly-complex meals. I made the brunch items today; tomorrow he wants to make this roasted chicken with veggies.

Anyway, after my bout of being angry at and hating food for a while, I am now looking at it with a softening heart... it can be so beautiful and vibrant, it is life-giving as well as it can be life-taking. And I want to love it, and enjoy it, but I’m frightened of it, too.

So many mixed and confusing feelings. I need a spell for clarity. This week.

Meanwhile, I am doing the Cunningham Bath for another month, because I was losing weight nicely until I stopped it and then I started this stall... so maybe if I start the bath again after the full moon I will break through it.