I had a really rough couple of days, but I'm back on track.
I figured I'd have to get into this eventually, so let me explain a bit. I have a neurotransmitter deficiency. Sometimes, this can lead to obsessive/compulsive behavior, paranoia and depression.
My over-eagerness in setting myself up for my new challenge was one stress; the fact that I woke up and small things didn't go as I had planned make the house of cards tumble.
Plans are a touchy subject with me with this condition... when plans go to pot, in a normal state of mind, I can brush it off. But, under stress, if the chemicals are imbalanced and plans go to pot, it can lead to a nuclear melt down. This is what happened the other day. I woke up and my husband did some things in opposition to my plans... And in a more calm & normal state of mind, I'd be like, "babe, what were you thinking?" and move on. But I was under-slept and over-stimulated about this "new start"... so this opposition began to hit me like a cold slaps in the face, one after another, until I crumpled up into a pile of goo on the floor.
If you're wondering, he used up all the eggs so I couldn't poach mine (I planned to eat poached eggs), left me cold & rubbery left-over eggs from a couple of hours before I woke up (yuck-- ruined breakfast!), made fried bologna with the eggs (what happened to healthy?!!!), and had another pack of fresh ciggs at the ready when we promised to quit at midnight New Years Eve (why did he buy them?!!!!??!!!)... like I said, he didn't do anything terrible.
I feel kinda bad that he had to endure the melt down, I keep trying to remind him to think ahead & check with me and my plans, but he forgot.
Neurotransmitter deficiencies (NTDs) like I have are commonly treated with SSRIs (you know, drugs like Prozac?) , but I don't take them. SSRI's don't always work on NTDs. They can make them worse, or they can work for a while and then dosages or meds need to be changed so it can be a constant up and down.
The treatment I've found to work best for me is amnio acid therapy. Basically vitamins, mainly amino acids.
See, your body makes neurtransmitters, uses them and disposes of them. SSRIs help you use and dispose of neurotransmitters in hopes that your brain will compensate by picking up the production. Amino Acids & the right vitamin combination helps your body produce the neurotransmitters. Some people will need SSRIs no matter what, but the vitamins take care of me just fine so I stay away from the chemical stuff because in my case it's unnecessary.
My NTD is part of my problem... especially when it went decades undiagnosed. Some symptoms are chronic insomnia & fatigue (hard to have energy to do anything when you can't sleep and you're always tired, so your days are "lazy" and you get used to being lethargic), cravings for things like sugar & carbs (which help stimulate neurotransmitters-- basically, your body figures out it's a self-medication, even though it's unhealthy chow and results in weight gain), and depression (which can be a bad situation for a comfort eater).
So controlling NTD is going to be a pretty important aspect on my road to recovery. But, since vitamis aren't covered by insurance, I can't always afford to buy them so I lapse once in a while. And I've lapsed a couple of months ago. I need to go shopping for them.
Anyway, I'm back on track, and I've had some insightful meditations when "going within," but I will describe those in another post because this one is already too long.