I don't think I can do this

I think maybe I made a mistake. I don't think i can do this... all the pain. There's just so much pain in my past and too much to deal with when i try to face it. they touched me and raped me and my mosther said i lied. they fed me oreos for breakfast and soda instead of water and put the tv on and left me alonek and made esxuceses.s

I needed help so bad but i don't have any and i am afraid to ask because whenever i ever did to the people who were supposed to care about me they said use but didn;t4

I begged my family for their help again and they yes me again and blew it off again as if i am just being a fussy,spoilet child.

I was desperate but now I'm thinking this just may not be possible in any way. Now I'm thinking maybe i am just the stupidest freaking idiot on the planet to think it's possible.

The only thing i do sknowis that i don't want to live like this. i pray to the goddess to take me now because it's all just going downhill faster and faster and it keeps getting harder to try and climb back up. I think i just might be at the bottom it is futile and i would rather not live than live here.

i'm just sick right now. sick of my freaking husband and his freaking ciggarrettes and fried balogny as his way fo starting the new year right. I am so stuid to think i could dot his because i cant do it without help and he has proven iiover andover that he will yues me and never help.

goddd i want to die so bad and stop facing this every passing year i just wnat todie more.

i don't know if this is going