Black Absorbs Energy

I had been toying with the idea of doing something drastic like making myself hate food, because I know I am still addicted and even though I am managing to keep it under control now, like a junkie in rehab, I take it one day at a time but fear the moment when I am faced with the unbearable urge and the means to indulge... I don't know if I'll be able to say 'no' to it.

But frankly the cravings haven't been too bad since I did the spell over a month ago to keep them at bay and got my hunger-warding talisman; a little bit during the PMS week of the salty/sweet, but overall, managable. So I am not going to do anything drastic at this point... I will save that if I fall off the wagon or find that eventually the cravings keep coming back unmanagable.

What I feel I need to get rid of is my fear and doubt. Even though part of me is really determined to do this and logically knows I can accomplish it, part of me is nervous about ultimately failing. After all, I have gone through the diet for 6 months or so before, only to end up completely failing, gaining it all back over the next few months plus interest.

I think that thought in the back of my head is just scaring me so much that at times it is overshadowing my confidence. I'm paranoid waiting for that moment; it's a little like waiting for the phone to ring when you know really bad news is coming.

So my plan is to use a black candle to absorb that fear and doubt and all these negative thoughts. Black absorbs energy. Think of how if you leave a black towel and white towel in the heat of the summer sun how much more heat the black towel will absorb. And thought is energy. And energy is heat. Get where I'm going with this?

So I will build up this negative energy and mentally pour it into the black candle, then light it and let the energy disperse. Maybe I'll set it outside so it won't get caught in the house, and I'll sage well afterwards. We're doing some more painting this week, I'll just wipe the walls down with a salt water solution first and really cleanse the place.

After the spell I'll put on my green robe for a while and just wrap myself in it, green for strength and stability and healing, and hold an agate and meditate for a while.

I did this type of spell when I had grief for my dad's death once and it very much helped.